Guide to a Healthy Breakup

There are so many clients who come to us looking for guidance and help getting through one of the most difficult losses in life - divorce or breakup from a long term relationship.  It truly is devastating - you put so much energy, time, and focus into making something work and it ends up failing. The end of a relationship can be due to so many different problems and generally this is how it goes - it’s not one thing that brings you to that place, but a series of many events, conversations, or missed opportunities to connect that make you wonder why you keep investing in something that does not give you a return.

You’re not alone!  The feelings of emptiness, confusion, sadness, and thoughts about when or how to end a relationship, whether you’re making the right choice, or the surge of anxiety as you navigate this process are extremely common.  Therapy can help you address and process these feelings as well as really get to the bottom of what went wrong in your relationship and how you can change your part in this for a better relationship in the future. This is a process, as is therapy for most issues - but we thought we’d offer a couple of quick tips to remember if you are struggling with this right now.  Check them out!

1. Remember - IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!  Breakups can leave us feeling so powerless and hopeless that we begin to question every little thing we did, said, or felt in the last several weeks, months, or even years.  Try to remind yourself that the detail in your mind may not be total truth; the brain is a powerful thing and when we lose a relationship we want to find every little detail and answer even though that’s not possible.  It takes two to tango, so give yourself a little compassion.
2. Combine “sad time” with “productive time”.  Give yourself the sad time you need by allowing couch nights, indulging in your favorite food, or staying in for a weekend.  But try not to let this begin to characterize your whole life. Too much of this will develop a negative cycle where you could make yourself more and more depressed.  I remind clients often that SOME movement is better than NO movement - even if that means a walk around the block, you can establish a cycle that may help you feel better.
3. Find your truth.  Try to think back onto what you’re really looking for in a partner - did that person show these things to you on a regular basis? Is it possible you felt in love but they really did not meet your requirements?  Do you even know what your requirements are? A lot of this you can establish and work on through therapy if you’re struggling on your own. Your truth is powerful, and it’s inside of you somewhere, even if you made exceptions because you were in love!

Have a great week - and remember, Revive is here to help you navigate and resolve your feelings following divorce or breakup.  Give us a call to get started today!