5 Tips to Generate Kindness

We have been thinking a lot lately about how easy it is to take your partner for granted, especially the longer you are together.  All too often, Revive works with couples where one or both partners have fallen into a terrible rut – one where they’ve simply forgotten how to just BE NICE to one another!

Have you ever found yourself stuck feeling unappreciated, or – for those brave enough to admit it – noticing that you are really not going out of your way to make your “person” feel as loved as you used to?  You might also notice a feeling of exhaustion within your relationship, hypervigilance, not enough “spark”, or or a lack of politeness or courteousness. Some of the people we work with will talk about how their partner seems to be nicer to strangers than them, and it’s really hurtful.

Over time people tend to stop being KIND to each other when in an intimate relationship.  It’s really not abnormal because we get used to that person always being there for us. In fact, it’s almost easier to get so used to this that we don’t take the time to be as polite as we would to friends, coworkers, or yes – even strangers.

Kindness in a relationship is very important, and so easy to show.  Here are a few ways to inject your relationship with some kindness so your partner can be assured you still notice him or her:

  1. Take a walk together and hold hands (the whole time!)
  2. Offer to watch the kids for an uninterrupted 2-3 hours for your partner to grab some self-care
  3. Ask your partner about their day – and really sit and listen, asking questions and demonstrating that you care
  4. Take the time to change your mindset – if you need to, imagine you’re talking to a friend and talk to your partner with the same level of curiosity and politeness
  5. Let your partner sleep in an extra hour on the weekend