Do You Feel Helpless In Your Relationship?

Many men and women who are in long term relationships find themselves feeling helpless at SOME point.  If you are feeling this way now, this blog piece is for you – hopefully to help you feel less hopeless, less powerless, and like you have some control over making things change for the better.

Revive’s tagline is “You have the power to change your relationship” for a reason; our goal overall in helping you is multifaceted, but a large component of it is helping you to feel empowered to change your situation.  I challenge you for a few moments just to think of your relationship as a circle; there really is no endpoint just a series of interactions that go round and round and round, playing off of each other and creating certain outcomes based on their order.

A very common complaint I hear from couples is that they feel attacked or blamed.  It is a totally valid complaint, but it doesn’t happen as an isolated incident. When we dig in to how this dynamic is created, there is always a series of communication breakdowns that has led to escalating or feeling completely disconnected.  Chances are, whatever your last conversation was contained criticism, defensiveness, attacks, counterattacks, rebuttals, and various emotions within both partners that, unfortunately, does not lead to getting needs met. Each partner contributes to negativity each time they respond in the same ways that lead to hurt.

I tell my clients all the time – if just ONE of those interactions (your tone, your words, your response to your partner) changed just the slightest bit, you are changing the path in the circle of your relationship.  Maybe, in that moment, you are allowing a fight to stop short of becoming laden with contempt, or you are repairing hurt in a moment of despair. The challenge is being willing to do this.

And that’s where you have power.  You have the power to understand how you contribute to the circle in your relationship.  Every relationship has a vicious cycle that inevitably ends up with both partners feeling hurt.  What’s yours? How do you contribute? Are there changes you can make (even the tiniest ones) that will alter the outcome?  

Therapy can help you discover and change the cycles that lead to fighting and lack of closeness.  Call or email us today if you’d like to schedule an appointment!